I'm Hungry. Still Hungry.

First day...didn't really go that great.

This morning I was supposed to be at my doctor's office at 8:30. Uhm, that didn't happen. They wanted to test my insulin/glucose levels and make sure I was producing enough to break down what I was eating. But, I slept in. : /

My goal today was to watch what I ate. And I did....kind of.

When I spoke to my doctor the other day, he had mentioned possibly prescribing me appetite suppressants to help curb any binge eating. I've been pretty good about watching how much I eat lately, but eating too much has been something I have struggled with for YEARS. I think a lot of people who struggle with their weight struggle with binge eating.

 But when he mentioned the appetite suppressants, I quickly declined and stated I didn't think I needed them. But, today may have caused me to have a change of heart.

I ate okay...ish. This morning I ate a piece a toast, two eggs, and a yogurt. I was still hungry.
 I went over to my mom's hours later and started munching on Ruffles potato chips and sour cream and onion dip. It wasn't many, but still.

I came back home around 2pm, and ate one tuna fish sandwich. I was still hungry. While making the sandwich, I was reallyyyyyy tempted to go ahead and make another for myself, but I decided against it.

And for dinner, everyone else had pizza. It looked good and smelt good and so I let myself have two medium sized slices.

I honestly don't think I did that bad considering what I would have eaten had I not been trying to watch myself. Lucky Charms for breakfast, two sandwiches, and probably 3-4 pieces of pizza.

It is kind of shameful when I write what I would have eaten down. Makes me realize that maybe I do have a slight problem with what/how much I eat.

On the bright side though, I did get out and exercise.

I had high hopes of being able to jump back into running again, but instead I walked 1.25 miles. It was easy at first. I kept a steady pace and made it to .50 miles just fine, and then my calves starting aching and my side started cramping. I did have to push myself to finish that last stretch of sidewalk at the park.

I figure I will allow myself to get used to activity for a week or two and then I will attempt to start running or jogging again.

Cheers,
Tiff

Why Now?

I've always been a little chubby. During my early adolescent years, my grandmother always said, "Oh! It's just baby weight...it will fall right off.". It didn't.

My weight has fluctuated over the years. My body has tolerated hormones being pumped into my system, the stress from moving 4 hours away from my parents at seventeen, the stress of learning to become an adult when I wasn't ready, and the stress of leaving everything I knew behind to move back in my parents after a three year relationship went down the drain. At one point, I did take charge a lose about twenty pounds when I was...18 I think. But I didn't eat much, and I was always weak.

I wasn't doing it the right way. This time I will though. This time, I am determined to not just lose weight, but be healthier, eat healthier, and stay that way. I'm not "dieting" in my mind, I'm changing the way I live my life so-to-speak.

So, why am I doing this now?

Long story short, I'm a medical mystery and they want me to lose weight to see if that fixes it.

But, it isn't just that...it is the fact that someone that I don't have a relationship with told me I was too heavy for my age/height....and they challenged me to do something about it.

I've been "trying" (aka half-assing eating right and sneaking cokes in every few days) to lose weight for awhile. I'm actually not miserable the way I am. I know I've got love-handles and my stomach is a little flabby, but I'm okay most days.

And then other days, well I hate the world. I try to find excuses and end up putting a lot of the blame on my parents. They never enrolled me in sports as a kid. They also encouraged me to take a second helping if I was hungry.

I'm not 10 years old anymore. I am six days away from being twenty-one. I am a grown-ass adult that needs to be making her own decisions by now on.

So, here's to new beginnings, new habits, and a new outlook on the way I eat and exercise. Cheers!